got this from an email newsletter I subscribe to. Thought it had some good advice.
And also, my apologies for a lack of posts the last few weeks. Was first in San Diego for our annual clinic owners meetings, then got back and got hit with a nasty respiratory infection that just kicked my butt. Doesn’t happen to me often, but this one was a doozy. I’m back on my feet now and have some cool stuff I’ll be posting about soon.
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Welcome to Health Sparks
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Do negative people rub you the wrong way? A negative,
pessimistic, and complaining person can wear on your
nerves and deplete your energy faster than you realize.
And trying to change their attitude wastes even more of
your energy. Your effort has no chance of success when
they do not want to cooperate.
When you believe that positive thinking is desirable and
negative thinking is undesirable, then you are empowering
people to irritate you when they think and talk in
negative ways.
Dr. Al Siebert, author of “The Survivor Personality” and
our “Resiliency” personal learning course, calls that kind of
thinking “The Theme Song of the Human Race.”
This belief, “If only other people would change, things
would be much better for me,” may indeed be correct, he
says, but it also makes it possible for negative people to
control you. When others are negative they can upset you,
cause you to spend time and energy trying to cope with
their negativism, and frustrate your positive efforts.
The solution to regaining control is not to change them but
to change how you respond to them.
Start by giving the negative person permission to be here on
Earth the way they are.
“When you feel frustrated or feel an energy drain, treat the
difficulty as a test in the school of life,” Al says. “Look at it
as an opportunity to learn about your blind spots.
Appreciate opportunities to learn better ways of handling
people who knock you off balance emotionally.”
Next, replace the thought “If only they would change, my
life would be much better” with questions.
Ask, “How might I respond differently so that I am less
vulnerable? What could I do to regain control? How can I
handle negativity in positive ways?”
When someone says something negative, try one of
the following:
* Say, “You may be right,” then change the subject.
* Pretend you didn’t hear them. Attention is a big payoff
for people with pessimistic attitudes, so stop reacting to
their negative statements. Withdraw attention. Be
selectively impolite.
* Be playful. Say, “It’s much worse than you know.”
Describe more things to be upset about, and then be quiet
or leave.
* Say, “Now that you’ve identified the problem, what is
your plan for dealing with it?”
* See the benefit of their negative thinking. Develop an
appreciation for the ability of chronically pessimistic people
to see potential risks and problems that others overlook.
* Make the negative person a useful resource. Ask them to
help you anticipate difficulties. If you thank them for their
critical thinking, your relationship will probably improve.
Rehearse what you might say the next time you are around
a negative person. Notice how much more in control you
feel when you develop a positive plan of action.
The key to making your life better is to stop blaming others
for triggering reactions in you that you don’t like and to
focus instead on discovering better ways to respond. When
you change how you react, your emotional strain is
reduced.
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